Last night’s episode was FANTASTIC. And how do I know? Because my mom called me first thing this morning to dish about it. Usually I have to call her…
There were so many things going on in this episode, between Phaedra’s over the top party for Mr. President and NeNe’s pajama/couples counseling? party, with all of our favorite secondary characters in between!
The episode starts off with Phaedra and her event planner, Dwight. Phaedra is having a blessing for Mr. President. I was raised Catholic, but am now agnostic with Buddhist tendencies, so I am assuming a blessing is like a christening, except without the priest and holy water.
Anyways, Phaedra, being Phaedra, wants to create an “experience”. She wants Mr. President’s blessing to be like an inauguration, complete with red, white, and blue erything and major security, Secret Service style.
Cynthia visits Peter in his office and fills him in on the drama that unfolded at the vineyard last week, specifically, Kandi saying that she had dirt on Peter’s past. Peter doesn’t know what she is referring to, but plans on bringing it up at NeNe’s upcoming pajama/couples counseling party. Raise your hand if you think that’s a good idea? …Didn’t think so.
Kenya visits a fertility specialist with her aunt. Basically, she wants a baby to fill the void in her life caused by her own dysfunctional family. I know a lot of people will talk shit and say that that is not a good reason to have a kid, but is there really a good reason to have a kid? Having a kid is actually pretty selfish, considering overpopulation and its strain on Earth’s resources and all of the kids currently in foster care who need a family. So, I’m not one to side with Kenya, but lay off her. Because there is really no selfless reason to have a kid and it is her right to have one of her own. I am glad that she is finally taking matters into her own hands and not waiting on a man, real or made up, to have one. However, I do hope that if she is unable to have kids, she will consider adoption.
So, basically the fertility specialist told her that she can have kids, but it’ll be really hard because of her age.
Kandi, Todd, and Don Juan are discussing the play. Todd brings up Chris Williams and how he might be a good fit for one of the roles. Kandi tells Todd that they need to talk about Chris and his wife, Natalie. Don Juan leaves. Kandi tells Todd everything that Natalie said about him being an “opportunist”. Kandi lets him know that Natalie is “not your friend”. Kandi’s a good woman and has Todd’s back, but those pink chairs in her office are atrocious and DO NOT have his back.
Todd said some of the funniest lines of the night, such as…
“Do you all ever go anywhere and it’s alright?” (in reference to vineyard drama) And no, Todd, they don’t.
“I’m not wearing my pajamas around grown people!” (in reference to NeNe’s pajama/couples counseling party) I could totally see my husband, or any grown man with an ounce of dignity, saying this as well.
Kenya and Miss Lawrence visit the sperm bank because Kenya is not sure if she wants to have a kid with her African prince because then she’d have to move to Africa/he is not a real person. They meet some cute guy in the waiting room who is literally on his way to jizz into a cup, so he can donate his seed to random women. Kenya’s immediate reaction to this is to hit on him. Why is this woman so desperate?! I know she has a horrible personality, but damn! She’s attractive. Why does she need to hit on every cute guy she sees, regardless if he’s married, about to jizz into a cup, etc?? Does this woman have any boundaries? How about some self-respect?
They Kenya and Miss Lawrence speak with the doctors about the artificial insemination process. They ask Kenya what she is looking for. After asking for Michael Jordan or Obama’s sperm, she presents the doctors with a list of traits that she is seeking. She wants sperm that is funny and affectionate? Is she for real with this shit? This list is exactly why she is single. No one is perfect KENYA, and you are a prime example of this. The doctor’s face says it all.
Then Kenya asks if she can see the sperm donation process. Really, Kenya? You need to see the room where guys wack off into a cup amidst a sea of dirty magazines and porn? I wouldn’t go near that room with a ten foot pole!
Here is a picture of Kenya looking at sperm through a microscope.
The blessing ceremony was completely over the top and ridiculous, but I like Phaedra, so I can’t hate on it.
First, “The First Family” arrived by presidential car.
Then, The First Family made a second entrance and Phaedra danced with Dwight, because Apollo was like, hell no.
Then Phaedra changed outfits and spoke to the crowd. Apollo fussed at her the whole damn party. He wouldn’t dance with her, refused to say anything to their guests, and was being an all-around dick. These two are having some serious communication issues.
NeNe is having a pajama/couples counseling?/let’s rile shit up party. Umm… I’m confused. Can you call it a couples counseling party if a. there are non-couples there and b. there is no counselor present? Who’s counseling? NeNe? As she sashays in her lingerie, that is NOT all that. I like the cut, but the pattern is weird.
Everyone arrives in their pajamas. The couples are Cynthia and Peter, Kandi and Todd, Mynique and Chuck (aww shit), and Natalie and Chris (aww shit!). Porsha arrives with her sister, Lauren. Lexis, with the balls to talk smack about other people’s body when her body is weird-looking as all hell, comes alone. Kenya is late because she is picking up her bestie, Brandon, from the airport, but doesn’t bother to text NeNe this.
So, at first, the party seems like a lot of fun. People stand up and read a question from a card and everyone answers. Even when someone asked a question about feeling comfortable around people who have slept with your mate, and it got kinda awkward because Chuck has slept with erybody, it was still cool. Everyone was laughing and having a good time.
Then trouble, aka Kenya, arrives. An hour late. NeNe is pissed and reads her. As she should, since Kenya likes to lecture people on being late.
One of the questions was, “Would you care if your mate was bisexual?”, which NeNe directs at Porsha, in reference to her ex, Kordell. Porsha goes off on a tangent about how she doesn’t want her man to be bisexual, heterosexual (?), they just have to be all about her. Wtf is this woman talking about, yet again?
Then they all start talking about strip clubs and Peter says that if a woman aint down with her man going to strip clubs, she is wack. No Peter, you are wack. And so is Apollo, for bragging that he spends $5,000 to $8,000 per strip club visit. But it’s ok y’all, because it is HIS money, not Phaedra’s. Uh, you mean it is the people you ripped off’s money, APOLLO?
Moving on, Peter, clearly because he was in front of his wife, says that even though he frequents strip clubs, he only buys lap dances for his friends. Kandi called Peter out on this because apparently she has gone to strip clubs with him and has seen some shit.
NeNe, who used to be a stripper, says that it’s not just lap dances at the strip clubs. No sir, it is also blow jobs and straight up sex!
NeNe then brings up the winery trip and tells the group that, “We are going to keep. It. All. The. Way. Real.” Just like that. And this is when shit hits the fan, so while I blame everyone involved, NeNe did start the ish, as usual this season.
Kenya reiterates the whole “Chris called Natalie his common-law wife” thing, and Chris asks her if she is on medication. Natalie butts in, and Kenya walks over to her like she’s about to do something. Chris grabs Kenya’s arm, to prevent her from attacking his wife, and then Brandon loses it and him and Chris go at it.
That’s how I saw it. You might have seen it differently. It was all a blur and definitely worth watching again.
So, Peter jumps on Brandon in an attempt to break up the fight. Then, for some bizarre reason, Apollo starts beating the crap out of Brandon. Huh? Say whaaa?? Homeboy has some serious anger issues.
What I don’t understand is why do women get involved when grown ass men are fighting? I love my husband to death, but you could not pay me to pull his shirt and scream, “Stooop!”, while he is fighting another man. First off, he is grown. I trust his decision-making skills. If he feels he needs to beat someone’s ass, he probably has good reason to. I don’t know, maybe it’s because I am from Brooklyn and respect the process. Or maybe it’s because I think my man would win. Either way, I am not getting involved.
Second, on what planet has women trying to break up grown men fights ever worked?? All it does is get you hurt or your man pissed at you. He is a man, let him handle his ish and then comfort him later.
NeNe decides to pin this whole thing on Kenya, in an effort to make herself look less guilty.
I am sorry but this shit storm is not Kenya’s fault – entirely. It is the following people’s fault -
NeNe for standing in front of everyone, talking about Keeping. It. All. The. Way. Real. And then getting mad when they did!
Kenya for first of all even saying that ish about Natalie and Chris in the first place, being messy as hell, and then getting up and walking towards Natalie, like she was gonna do something, when she knows damn well that she is all talk.
Chris for grabbing Kenya. I understand that he was protecting his wife, but he did it kind of aggressively. Bottom line, he shouldn’t have put his hands on Kenya.
Brandon for slightly overreacting when Chris grabbed Kenya’s arm. Regardless, everyone should have a bestie like Brandon, and I hope Kenya appreciates him.
Apollo for beating the crap out of Brandon, for no apparent reason, other than he is angry at a bunch of other shit going on in his life. Not cool, APOLLO.
Sooo, what’d you all think of this week’s episode? Who’s to blame for the fight? And is Apollo a ticking time bomb?