Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Season 4 Episode 7

Dear lawd these women are dramatic!

The episode starts off where last week’s episode left off, at the dinner from hell. Kyle & Yolanda are going at it & Brandi’s drunk ass keeps butting in. Girlfriend is, as Lisa put it, “drunk as a skunk”. Brandi basically tells Kyle that if she f*cks with Yolanda, she f*ucks with Brandi. It doesn’t matter if her & Kyle had no previous beef. Then she calls Kyle a “crazy asshole” & threatens to make her feel bad. You gotta love Brandi’s ride or die style of friendship, but she really needs to sober up. Kim gets upset at Brandi’s drunkenness & says that Brandi needs help. Yolanda squashes the whole thing because she knows that Kyle is going through a lot with the whole Mauricio cheating scandal & she refuses to kick another woman while she is down. And this is why we love Yolanda. Brandi keeps harassing Kyle & Kyle, able to dish it out but unable to take it, leaves the table. Lisa tells Brandi to knock it off because she is drunk. She says that Brandi’s honesty is her greatest asset & her worst fault. And that basically sums up my personality, which is why I relate to Brandi so much.

RHOBH Dinner1

Kyle is crying in the bathroom because she “can’t take people being so mean”. Kyle has zero self-awareness, so has no clue that she is mean to people like this all the time. Yolanda comes by, because she is a better person than Kyle, & gives her a hug. Kyle tells Yolanda that she has nothing against her now that she sees she is losing the battle & they both agree to move forward. Yolanda has way bigger fish to fry than the Richards sisters. She has been kicking Lyme disease’s ass for the past 9 months & knows that life is too short to waste on dumb b*tches.

Lisa comes by & hugs Kyle & they start talking, which they haven’t really done in a long time, so it’s nice. Kim walks in & is bouncing around in the background talking about her panties being in a wad? Is homegirl picking a wedgie on camera? WTF is wrong with Kim?! Seriously, I know she is off drugs & all, so… what’s the deal, Kim? Are you not getting enough airtime or something? Lisa, tired of this nutjob bouncing around behind them while they are trying to have a heart-to-heart, shuts the bathroom door. Kim gets mad because Lisa “slammed the door” in her face. She storms out of the bathroom & tells Lisa what she thinks of her. Kim has had unresolved issues with Lisa for a long time & it comes out every now & again. Does Lisa dismiss her? Yes. Do I blame her? No. Kim is uber annoying. I have very little patience for her & so does Lisa. Kyle was upset because Kim ruined her moment with her old friend, whom she probably misses a lot. Is Kim jealous? Does she not want Kyle & Lisa to be friends again?

RHOBH Kyle & Kim Bed

Kim returns to the table & I am convinced homegirl wants attention, because she brings up Lisa dismissing her again. Like the rest of the world, no one really pays attention to her & Brandi randomly asks, “Do you like Yolanda?” & Kim says that she does & would like for them to start fresh. They shake on it & Yolanda says that she will forgive, but she won’t forget. Lisa comes back & Kim starts with her AGAIN & Lisa just “yeah yeah”s her & really, is there anything else you can do at this point? Then Brandi’s drunk ass starts talking about how her & Carlton are sharing a room & are basically going to get it on. The dinner from hell FINALLY ends & everyone goes to their respective rooms.

Joyce & Kyle go swimming & Kyle, forever trying to be edgy like Brandi, suggests that they lose their bathing suits. Joyce acts like she doesn’t hear her & starts talking about having sex with her husband AGAIN. Joyce! From one married person to another, don’t talk about your spouse’s skills in the bedroom. It’s personal. It’s private. Most people do not want to hear about your husband’s weiner, JOYCE. And if they do, I’d keep a strict eye on that heffa. Kyle takes off her bikini top & no one gives a sh*t. Then she confides to Joyce that she felt picked on at dinner. Welcome to everyone around you’s world, KYLE. Joyce said that the only reason she didn’t go off on anyone was because she was trying to be a gracious hostess. I would LOVE to see Joyce go off on someone. Call me crazy, but I think she could pull it off. Kim comes by & I tune the f out, per usual.

RHOBH Kyle & Joyce Pool

Brandi tries to molest Carlton, but even though Carlton finds her sexy, wild, & passionate, she’s not having it, for some reason. They decide to go scare Lisa & Yolanda, but the joke’s on them, because Lisa & Yolanda pop out of the bushes & scare them! I love Lisa & Yolanda’s pajamas. Lisa looks beautiful & Yolanda is adorable with her fuschia nightie & matching sneakers. Brandi, still drunk as a skunk, tells Lisa that she doesn’t want her to “strategize”. Meaning, she thinks Lisa is riding the fence between the two teams. Mmm… is this where the friendship starts cracking?

RHOBH Brandi Drunk1

In the morning, everyone is drinking coffee & Kyle is making breakfast. Yolanda has to leave early & so does Lisa & Carlton. Brandi says that she’ll be fine with the Mean Girl Trio & I’m not sure I believe that. Lisa tells Brandi that she sometimes treats her like a child & Brandi says that it’s ok, because sometimes she acts like a child. Brandi swears she doesn’t have a drinking problem, she has a drinking solution! Ahhh… spoken like a true alcoholic.

RHOBH Lisa Treats Brandi Like a Child

The ladies take a tram to the top of a mountain to have a catered lunch organized by Joyce. She really is a good hostess. Carlton & Kim bond over wild squirrels & the fact that Kim was in one of Carlton’s favorite childhood movies, Escape to Witch Mountain! It was so awesome that these cute lil’ creatures were going right up to the ladies & even sitting in Carlton’s lap! If this is what being a witch is all about, sign me up!

RHOBH Tram

RHOBH Squirrels

Kim is STILL talking about Lisa dismissing her. No one cares. Yolanda invites EVERYONE to a dinner party she is having with The Canadian Tenors, whoever they are. Then a squirrel bites Kyle’s butt & I secretly hope she gets rabies. Kim was on her knees praying in a corner next to a garbage can & much like every other episode, I can’t with Kim. I just can’t.

Back at Colony 29, Carlton confronts Brandi about bringing up their kiss to the other girls. Carlton is a very private person & didn’t appreciate Brandi blabbing. It made her uncomfortable & now she feels like she can’t tell Brandi secrets. Sucks to be you, Brandi, because it seems like Carlton has some JUICY secrets! Ok so, now we know why Carlton did not hook up with Brandi the night before. Cause Brandi is a kiss & tell!

Joyce really deserves a Hostess of the Year award because on top of all the bullsh*t she is putting up with, she sets up chips & salsa for Brandi to nibble on while she cooks everyone tacos. Brandi says that she is a boss in the kitchen & I think her next book should be a naughty cookbook. It would be full of recipes & sex tips! Yum!

Surprisingly, everyone that is left – Brandi, Carlton, Kyle, Kim, & Joyce – are getting along at dinner. Like, they’re laughing & everything. Kyle, ever the f-ng sh*t stirrer, HAS to throw in some shade by suggesting that they are all getting along because Yolanda & Lisa aren’t there. Proof that it is like, physically impossible for this woman to play nice.

RHOBH Colony 29 Nice Dinner

Brandi leaves to go call her kids because she is a good mom & she gets a text from her assistant, Cameron, that her house was broken into. Turns out Chica is missing as well & everyone’s heart breaks because Chica is ADORABLE. I love that Brandi could care less about her house & possessions, & is only concerned with Chica’s welfare. Despite her flaws, she is a good person with a huge heart.

RHOBH Brandi Text2

The ladies rally around Brandi & are genuinely concerned for Chica. Joyce starts telling a story about how she lost a dog once & I am with Brandi, STFU. This is not about you, Joyce. No one who just learned they lost a dog wants to hear how you lost a dog too. Brandi locks herself in the bathroom & calls her BFF, who responded to one of my recaps, Jennifer Gimenez. Once Brandi gets herself together, her & Carlton head home to try & find Chica.

RHOBH Brandi Text1

So, what’d you guys think of this week’s episode? Are you as annoyed by Kim as I am? Are you as worried about Chica as I am?

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Season 4 Episode 5

One of the themes in this week’s episode was mothers who are having a hard time letting go of their adult children. Cut the cord, ladies!

Ok, let’s do this.

Yolanda – Yolanda is getting ready for her mom & bro to arrive from Holland. They will be attending the ceremony for her hubby, David Foster, who is getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Exciting stuff! Yolanda talks about her humble beginnings & how disciplined her childhood was. She also discusses her father passing away when she was only 7-years-old. It was then that she made the decision to work hard & take care of her family. Yolanda is such an amazing woman & I have a lot of respect for her.

RHOBH Yolanda & Brother

Brandi – Brandi’s dogs, Chica & Sugar, are SUPER adorable, even when they are peeing & sh*tting all over the house. Chica’s reactions to Brandi scolding her were the BEST part of the whole episode. I’ve talked mad smack about Kim’s dog, but Chica & Sugar are hilarious. I remember reading a few months back that Chica was missing & I hope that she has since been found. Brandi’s mom called to say her grandma is in the hospital. Brandi wants to visit, but her & her dad are still on one of their many breaks, this time because she wore a racy gown to last year’s Oscars. The whole thing doesn’t makes sense & I hope for Brandi’s sake her dad stops the nonsense.

RHOBH Brandi Chica

Kyle – I don’t know that I would let my children sit on the kitchen counters like Kyle does, but there is no denying that Portia is one cute friggin’ kid, so it might be hard to say no! Mauricio walks in & did he just say “Wassup?!” like it was 2000? Kyle said that she does not bring outside bullsh*t into her home & the entire world simultaneously rolled their eyes & said “Ok, Kyle”. She then proceeded to talk about said outside bullsh*t with her husband.

RHOBH Kyle Portia on Counter\

Lisa – Lisa is talking with Ken & all I can focus on is Giggy, who is wearing a purple cape? A hoodie? Whatever it is, it has a huge jewel or brooch on it. Homedog can dress! Giggy looked like a lil’ vampire? Prince? Liberace? JLo? I couldn’t quite figure out what look they were going for. I then started paying attention to Lisa & Ken & basically Ken was on point & kinda schooling Lisa. He said that Mauricio is his buddy, he doesn’t think he cheated, & as his friends, him & Lisa should deny the rumors. Lisa kept fighting him on it by saying that she can’t for sure say 100% that Mauricio didn’t cheat on Kyle, blah blah blah & I thought Ken was right & her argument was weak.

RHOBH Lisa & Ken Talking

Carlton – Carlton takes her black cat (yawn), Midnight (yawn), to what at first I thought was the veterinarian, but that would be too uncool normal for Carlton. She took him to an acupuncturist instead & I could care less. Am I the only one who thinks Carlton is a tool?

Kyle & Joyce go get a facial at some super secret facial spot that Kyle doesn’t tell people about because she is an a-hole & doesn’t want other people looking good, because she’s that chick that is hell bent on being the prettiest girl in the room. Sorry Kyle, but that ship sailed last season when Brandi joined the cast. And now that Joyce is here, that ship is lost at sea, never to return again, Kyle.

RHOBH Kyle Facial

I prayed to Carlton’s Wiccan Gods that Joyce would not mention her husband’s genitals in this episode and it worked! However, Kyle did keep saying “handjob” & I wish that they would both stop trying to be edgy like Brandi. Anyways, Joyce tells Kyle that she is planning a girls weekend in Palm Springs & everyone’s invited! I guess we now know where this season’s climax will take place. Joyce laughs waaay too much at things that are not at all funny. Like when Kyle tells her, after their facials, that she looks so young the cops are going to pull her over for looking too young to drive?? So. F-ng. Lame. Kyle.

RHOBH Joyce Laughing

Kim – Kim takes her daughter, KIMBERLY RICHARDS, shopping for a graduation dress & picks out some business woman dress for her. Uh, no 17-year-old wants to wear that, Kim. And were you under the influence when you gave that child your exact same name?? Then she goes on & on about how when she was a child actress she didn’t receive a quality education. You don’t say?! Would have never guessed! When Kim goes off on these tangents about her childhood acting career, I can’t help but feel sorry for her. It’s like those were her glory days. She needs to move on & appreciate her life now. She is sober, has healthy kids, & is on a hit television show.

Kyle – Kyle is hanging with her daughters, who are all sprawled out on the kitchen counters, & talking about college. Kyle wants them to stay close & I don’t understand why parents do that to their kids. One of the greatest experiences of my life was joining the Air Force & being stationed in Germany – far, far, away from home. I was able to travel the world & meet people from all walks of life. Why wouldn’t a parent want that for their kid? I just don’t get it. Especially when Kyle goes on about how she wanted to go to college & be a lawyer, but got knocked up at 19, so didn’t. Are Kim & Kyle aware that moms are allowed to go to college?

Lisa – Pandora & her handsome hubby come over for dinner & Lisa gives them sh*t for never coming over. While eating, Pandora’s boo says things like, “You guys have to get a house on Lake Cuomo” & I wonder what it’s like to be so rich that you talk about buying houses like they’re shoes. Her hubby also mentions that they may be moving to NYC for a possible job. Lisa, another RHOBH cast member who needs to let go when it comes to her children, isn’t having it. Apparently her & Ken moved to California simply because Pandora was going to school there. Say whaaa?? And does that mean Pandora can never leave? She’s grown! She’s married! Let her live her life! Smh.

Kim – Kim’s older sister, Kathy, aka Paris Hilton’s mom, arrives & she is a royal bitch. WOW. Between her & Kyle, I now have a better understanding as to why Kim is so screwed up. Can you imagine being sandwiched in between those two snarky, judgmental heffas your whole life? Kathy starts insulting Kim’s dress & Kyle said that she is very critical & will point out your fat. Now, if Kyle is saying that, you know Kathy is THE DEVIL. But umm, has Kathy looked in a mirror lately? Cause homegirl is not the skinniest in the bunch & am I mistaken or is she wearing a leopard print mumu? People in glass houses y’all…

RHOBH Kim Kathy

Yolanda – Yolanda is at the Hollywood Walk of Fame ceremony for her hubby & they are so sweet together. It is cute how he plays the piano while waiting for the ceremony to start & how she makes him spit out his gum. It’s cool to learn more about David & his 40 years of work. He had a lot of celebrities come & support him, like Natalie Cole, Kenny G, Babyface, & Dr. Phil? We also learn that Carlton’s son’s godmother’s brother’s sister’s cousin was married to Slash of Guns N Roses. Well, I GUESS that’s sorta cool. Carlton is at the ceremony, along with Brandi & Lisa. Yolanda’s hubby points out Stevie Wonder in the crowd in a weird way & Brandi makes a blind joke & both are not cool. It was cute though how proud Yolanda was of her hubby & he gave her & her kids a nice shoutout in his speech.

RHOBH Yolanda Proud

RHOBH Yolanda Hubby Hollywood Star

Brandi & Lisa go bikini shopping & Brandi’s body still amazes me, no matter how many times I’ve seen it. Lisa is amazed as well, but I don’t know why she is sweating it because her body is bangin’. And at 52-years-old! While shopping, Brandi nonchalantly brings up that she made out with Carlton the other day. Finally! Lisa had the best lines of the night when she said that these women are “either at each other’s throats or down each other’s throats”. Lol. And then she asked Brandi, “Who does that?” Brandi said that it was all just innocent fun. Yea right. And then Lisa said that she was going to lock her door at night. LMAO. I love Lisa.

RHOBH Brandi Lisa Shopping

What’d you guys think of this week’s episode? Are you surprised Brandi & Carlton made out? Do you think Kim, Kyle, & Lisa should let go of their kids a lil’? And O-M-G, how FUGLY was that necklace Kyle was wearing?