Dear lawd these women are dramatic!
The episode starts off where last week’s episode left off, at the dinner from hell. Kyle & Yolanda are going at it & Brandi’s drunk ass keeps butting in. Girlfriend is, as Lisa put it, “drunk as a skunk”. Brandi basically tells Kyle that if she f*cks with Yolanda, she f*ucks with Brandi. It doesn’t matter if her & Kyle had no previous beef. Then she calls Kyle a “crazy asshole” & threatens to make her feel bad. You gotta love Brandi’s ride or die style of friendship, but she really needs to sober up. Kim gets upset at Brandi’s drunkenness & says that Brandi needs help. Yolanda squashes the whole thing because she knows that Kyle is going through a lot with the whole Mauricio cheating scandal & she refuses to kick another woman while she is down. And this is why we love Yolanda. Brandi keeps harassing Kyle & Kyle, able to dish it out but unable to take it, leaves the table. Lisa tells Brandi to knock it off because she is drunk. She says that Brandi’s honesty is her greatest asset & her worst fault. And that basically sums up my personality, which is why I relate to Brandi so much.
Kyle is crying in the bathroom because she “can’t take people being so mean”. Kyle has zero self-awareness, so has no clue that she is mean to people like this all the time. Yolanda comes by, because she is a better person than Kyle, & gives her a hug. Kyle tells Yolanda that she has nothing against her
now that she sees she is losing the battle & they both agree to move forward. Yolanda has way bigger fish to fry than the Richards sisters. She has been kicking Lyme disease’s ass for the past 9 months & knows that life is too short to waste on dumb b*tches.
Lisa comes by & hugs Kyle & they start talking, which they haven’t really done in a long time, so it’s nice. Kim walks in & is bouncing around in the background talking about her panties being in a wad? Is homegirl picking a wedgie on camera? WTF is wrong with Kim?! Seriously, I know she is off drugs & all, so… what’s the deal, Kim? Are you not getting enough airtime or something? Lisa, tired of this nutjob bouncing around behind them while they are trying to have a heart-to-heart, shuts the bathroom door. Kim gets mad because Lisa “slammed the door” in her face. She storms out of the bathroom & tells Lisa what she thinks of her. Kim has had unresolved issues with Lisa for a long time & it comes out every now & again. Does Lisa dismiss her? Yes. Do I blame her? No. Kim is uber annoying. I have very little patience for her & so does Lisa. Kyle was upset because Kim ruined her moment with her old friend, whom she probably misses a lot. Is Kim jealous? Does she not want Kyle & Lisa to be friends again?
Kim returns to the table & I am convinced homegirl wants attention, because she brings up Lisa dismissing her again. Like the rest of the world, no one really pays attention to her & Brandi randomly asks, “Do you like Yolanda?” & Kim says that she does & would like for them to start fresh. They shake on it & Yolanda says that she will forgive, but she won’t forget. Lisa comes back & Kim starts with her AGAIN & Lisa just “yeah yeah”s her & really, is there anything else you can do at this point? Then Brandi’s drunk ass starts talking about how her & Carlton are sharing a room & are basically going to get it on. The dinner from hell FINALLY ends & everyone goes to their respective rooms.
Joyce & Kyle go swimming & Kyle, forever trying to be edgy like Brandi, suggests that they lose their bathing suits. Joyce acts like she doesn’t hear her & starts talking about having sex with her husband AGAIN. Joyce! From one married person to another, don’t talk about your spouse’s skills in the bedroom. It’s personal. It’s private. Most people do not want to hear about your husband’s weiner, JOYCE. And if they do, I’d keep a strict eye on that heffa. Kyle takes off her bikini top & no one gives a sh*t. Then she confides to Joyce that she felt picked on at dinner. Welcome to everyone around you’s world, KYLE. Joyce said that the only reason she didn’t go off on anyone was because she was trying to be a gracious hostess. I would LOVE to see Joyce go off on someone. Call me crazy, but I think she could pull it off. Kim comes by & I tune the f out, per usual.
Brandi tries to molest Carlton, but even though Carlton finds her sexy, wild, & passionate, she’s not having it, for some reason. They decide to go scare Lisa & Yolanda, but the joke’s on them, because Lisa & Yolanda pop out of the bushes & scare them! I love Lisa & Yolanda’s pajamas. Lisa looks beautiful & Yolanda is adorable with her fuschia nightie & matching sneakers. Brandi, still drunk as a skunk, tells Lisa that she doesn’t want her to “strategize”. Meaning, she thinks Lisa is riding the fence between the two teams. Mmm… is this where the friendship starts cracking?
In the morning, everyone is drinking coffee & Kyle is making breakfast. Yolanda has to leave early & so does Lisa & Carlton. Brandi says that she’ll be fine with the Mean Girl Trio & I’m not sure I believe that. Lisa tells Brandi that she sometimes treats her like a child & Brandi says that it’s ok, because sometimes she acts like a child. Brandi swears she doesn’t have a drinking problem, she has a drinking solution! Ahhh… spoken like a true alcoholic.
The ladies take a tram to the top of a mountain to have a catered lunch organized by Joyce. She really is a good hostess. Carlton & Kim bond over wild squirrels & the fact that Kim was in one of Carlton’s favorite childhood movies, Escape to Witch Mountain! It was so awesome that these cute lil’ creatures were going right up to the ladies & even sitting in Carlton’s lap! If this is what being a witch is all about, sign me up!
Kim is STILL talking about Lisa dismissing her. No one cares. Yolanda invites EVERYONE to a dinner party she is having with The Canadian Tenors, whoever they are. Then a squirrel bites Kyle’s butt & I secretly hope she gets rabies. Kim was on her knees praying in a corner next to a garbage can & much like every other episode, I can’t with Kim. I just can’t.
Back at Colony 29, Carlton confronts Brandi about bringing up their kiss to the other girls. Carlton is a very private person & didn’t appreciate Brandi blabbing. It made her uncomfortable & now she feels like she can’t tell Brandi secrets. Sucks to be you, Brandi, because it seems like Carlton has some JUICY secrets! Ok so, now we know why Carlton did not hook up with Brandi the night before. Cause Brandi is a kiss & tell!
Joyce really deserves a Hostess of the Year award because on top of all the bullsh*t she is putting up with, she sets up chips & salsa for Brandi to nibble on while she cooks everyone tacos. Brandi says that she is a boss in the kitchen & I think her next book should be a naughty cookbook. It would be full of recipes & sex tips! Yum!
Surprisingly, everyone that is left – Brandi, Carlton, Kyle, Kim, & Joyce – are getting along at dinner. Like, they’re laughing & everything. Kyle, ever the f-ng sh*t stirrer, HAS to throw in some shade by suggesting that they are all getting along because Yolanda & Lisa aren’t there. Proof that it is like, physically impossible for this woman to play nice.
Brandi leaves to go call her kids because she is a good mom & she gets a text from her assistant, Cameron, that her house was broken into. Turns out Chica is missing as well & everyone’s heart breaks because Chica is ADORABLE. I love that Brandi could care less about her house & possessions, & is only concerned with Chica’s welfare. Despite her flaws, she is a good person with a huge heart.
The ladies rally around Brandi & are genuinely concerned for Chica. Joyce starts telling a story about how she lost a dog once & I am with Brandi, STFU. This is not about you, Joyce. No one who just learned they lost a dog wants to hear how you lost a dog too. Brandi locks herself in the bathroom & calls her BFF, who responded to one of my recaps, Jennifer Gimenez. Once Brandi gets herself together, her & Carlton head home to try & find Chica.
So, what’d you guys think of this week’s episode? Are you as annoyed by Kim as I am? Are you as worried about Chica as I am?